A Light With a Shadow: The Making of Lady Hagedorn

The closest I've gotten to meeting a celebrity was meeting and then photographing Nicole. Personally, I think she might outshine a good number of starlets in our popular culture. But that's a different article for another day.  

I want all the focus to be on Nicole. 

And that's not even that difficult of a request because it feels like everyone knows her (or has seen her on social media). And everyone who knows her loves her! Or at least says the best things about this amazing woman, her cute dances, and her insights on gardening and home hacks.

She's as likable as the sunshine she regularly works in. 

Nicole plants flowers and puts on beautiful weddings at the venue she renovated. She's a mother and confidant to brides. She's a lover of gardens and growth with a dirt manicure more days than not. Warmth and connection is what Nicole focuses on. 

And that's what I expected to get from our time together. 

The idea of anything else being a possibility when I met with her the first time wasn't even on my radar. 

Then she told me her idea. She unfolded her brutal past and serious struggles, and then she explained Lady Hagadorn. 

"This is very different, you know that right?" I said after Nicole unveiled her plan for her photo session. 

Nicole said she understood and that it was time for her to meet this spector that terrorized and protected her through years of agonizing mental anguish. 

While Nicole was ready, I wasn't sure I was. 

How were we going to create this character that was both fictional and real, haunting and devastatingly beautiful, cold and calculating. 

I didn't want to miss the mark and have my lack of ability mock the needed story my new friend was going to share with the world. 

Instead of bowing out, I did what I always do- stepped into the unknown with faith that something important, meaningiful, and lasting would come from my hands as an imperfect photographer. 

We started out soft with images I knew I could do. The lighting was simple, the movements practiced.

Then we jumped forward to Lady Hagadorn, the antithesis of what we'd just created. Thankfully my makeup artist, Shea Hollister, is an expert in her craft and after several minutes in the makeup chair Nicole was transformed from top to bottom. 

The lighting changed, the movements, the story, the tone- everything became darker and fluid. 

I could see the images coming together. 

I could feel Nicole pulling this character forward and bringing to life this part of her story. 

And then, after a few hours, we were done. 

The magic and miraculous power that guided all three of us creators forward left us feeling exhausted. But even before I began my editing work I knew our exhaustion was worth the price to create what we now had. Nothing good ever comes easy, or something like that. 

Looking at the pictures I knew we'd done it. 

There was no longer Nicole, but Lady Hagedorn 

Real, devastating, cold, unnatural, yet beautiful. 

She was real. 

While I never spoke a true word to this creature that haunted my friend, her icy gaze still grabs me from the pictures I created. 

But now I don't shudder at the sight. 

The specter we summoned, shaped, and set free was not just Nicole’s past, it was her reckoning. And as I looked at the final images, I understood: Lady Hagedorn was never meant to disappear. She was meant to be seen, acknowledged, and finally, understood.

While you may know Nicole and be familiar with her current light hearted ways of living and growth, she wasn't always this way. 

She has a before and if you'd like to read about it, to better see into the past of this woman we all adore, go get a copy of Hagedorn.

Very special thank you to Shea for her amazing hair and makeup artistry and behind the scenes work.

Love, Melinda

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