'She Builds Me Up'
The podcast I was on with my friend, Grace, is now live! It was actually live yesterday . . . but I wanted to listen to it first before I broadcasted out to my friends and family what I had done. I wanted to make sure that I was honest in all I said. And I believe I mostly was.
There was a time or two where I wished I had given different examples. Examples that would have better described what I was thinking. And I was a bit long-winded- fair warning there.
This topic is very near and dear to my heart. Perhaps that's why I talk about it below the surface in a more discrete way.
While I know that self-value and recognizing divine worth are paramount to a successful and happy life, I also know that self-improvement is the other side of that coin. It's hard work.
It's constantly looking at yourself and ask 'what can I make better.'
I have experienced great freedom in recognizing that a better me is in the future. A better Melinda is being created every time I let go of a foolish habit or unworthy belief.
But it's painful to do. It is rewriting one's self. It's taking stock of all the bits and pieces of who you are and saying 'this isn't worthy of who I want to become so I have to let it go now'. And sometimes the things we have to let go of are the things we love most . . .
Enter living life as a victim, poor friends, bad family influences, favorite habits, social habits, much-loved addictions, blame, incorrect (but popular) social belives. The list is long and ever-expanding. And the things on that list are more than surface level . . . they have deep roots and their removal can often feel like cutting part of yourself away.
I once was so different from who I am now.
I was angrier, more judgmental, jealous, full of shame, constant and unrealistic comparisons, and so much blame.
I would tell myself that I didn't need to change. I was fine and screw the 'haters' that were making me feel uncomfortable. I gave constant middle emotional fingers to anyone who made me realize that I was causing my own pain and discomfort.
I was living below my divine nature.
I was falling short of the mark.
I was being less than who I was meant to be . . .
and that's why I was unhappy.
Realizing you're the one causing your own pain and setbacks is humbling and frustrating.
But when it clicked for me it has been so much easier to take on myself.
And when I say 'easier' I still mean really hard. I'm not speaking about self-improvement from a master's perspective. Gosh, I know so little. And I fall short of the mark of even marginal improvement all the time. I still have bad habits that are setting me back. I still actively make choices that I know won't serve me.
I still choose the easier wrong than the harder right.
BUT I've gotten better.
And I know I'll continue to get better.
I want to improve. I want to make hard choices that will serve me and my family and my future for the better. I want to let go of the parts of me that are deadwood.
I want to do the hard things required for real self- improvement because I love me.
I really love who I have become.
I love that I'm not the same girl I was when I was 17, 21, or 25.
I am more.
And if I can keep letting go of the bad parts of who I am, if I can keep burning away the deadwood, then I'll be even better 10 years from now. And like I said to my friend Grace, I'm really excited to meet that Melinda in the future. I'm really excited to become that woman. She's got big goals . . . and I want to help her reach them.
I hope you take a moment and listen to this podcast. Grace is a wonderful host.
She's so good! She's genuine and kind and very real.
I hope you feel like you're worthy of changing.
And I hope you know that changing out of love for yourself is the greatest investment you can make.
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